Gifts for Guys (especially dads)

We've all been there. Father's Day sneaks up on you, or you keep putting off buying Dad a birthday gift in search of the perfect thing. Men are ridiculously hard to shop for, since you can only buy them so many wallets, belts, colognes, and ties before the collection turns into a hoarding.

Here are a few ideas I've recently turned to with great success:

1) Monogrammed handkerchief - I lucked on a set of these and picked them up because my dad uses a handkerchief on a daily basis. He absolutely loved them, to the point where he didn't open the box for a few months because they were "too special" and nice. Thankfully, he's since used them on special occasions (or when the rest are in the laundry!)

2) A bottle (or case) of special alcohol - if he's a beer drinker, find him some local brew. If he's into wine, treat him to an extra special bottle - you can even pair this with a wine tasting at a local vineyard if possible, or a fancy meal (some restaurants allow you to bring in your own bottle - check before making a reservation). If it's any other alcohol and he's running low, show him you pay attention and get him a bottle that he'll appreciate for some time.

3) Tickets to a game/show/concert that he would enjoy. If he wants to take you along, but you're not particularly into it - suck it up! You're doing something to make him happy, so consider all the times he's probably bit his tongue and gone along with what you want. It's only fair to return the favor.

4) A meal made from scratch - foodies love it when you make the extra effort, and everyone knows the way to a man's heart is through his stomach ;) If he's the one who's into cooking, find a local restaurant that does lessons in pizza making or whatever their thing is. Some places offer one-day classes in ethnic cuisines; if he's adventurous, that's an opportunity he would love.

5) A massage appointment - even if they don't admit it, most men like to be pampered once in a while. If it's been a stressful time, they'll really appreciate this...and probably get hooked!

 

Have you heard the story about the Donkey the Father and the Son?

The short version: a father and son have a donkey and all three go from town to town. In each town they are criticized for the way they are traveling, whether it's the father on the donkey and the son leading, or the donkey tied to a stick and both father and son carrying it between them. (The expanded version)

To paraphrase the moral: you can't please everyone. But don't let this become your problem.

People are going to have opinions. Some will love everything you do. Some will hate everything you do. If they are sane, they'll react in moderation. Praise is nice and non-constructive criticism sucks.

None of this should matter, but of course it does. It's taken me forever and then some to realize I just can't take it all to heart. That kind of habit is destructive; it only breeds lots of self-doubt and in an effort to make everyone else happy, you end up displeasing yourself the most.

Bottom line. It's just not possible to do the "right thing" by everyone, and when you run around trying to do just that, you end up looking like the poor donkey in the story: never had a say, was contorted in all sorts of ways.

via Wikipedia

Without getting preachy now... do what you want to do, because it makes you happy and it works for you. If it bothers someone, it's his/her problem. If it really bothers someone, it might indicate that they don't really have your best interest at heart. Those who really matter and understand you will accept that it's what's good for you and leave you be.

Does that make me a selfish person? Not really. If I'm happy, I'm a better version of myself, and so a better person for/to others. I used to spend so much time and energy trying to please everyone and it didn't actually work out. Now that I focus on myself, life runs more smoothly. If it bothers some people, maybe they are the ones being selfish?

What do you think? Do you tend to feel like the father? The son? The donkey? Whose expectations are more important, your own or others?

ps - Thanks to @msbudgetbeauty for reminding me of this story and, in turn, inspiring this post.