September 28, 2005

Doctor, do you have a life?

Recently a friend posted the following:
I was thinking about this discussion I had with an EMT on sunday night. He asked me why I wanted to be a doctor. He said he decided to be a nurse because it gave him time to enjoy life. And he said that doctors live around their work, and he wanted to work around his life. He said he wanted to be able to spend time with his family. How terrible is it that I found no problem with living for my work? Probably very.
How true. As a doctor, I will constantly be either at the hospital, learning and helping patients, or at home, studying. And like my friend, I am not having a difficult time envisioning my life revolving around my work. I actually, literally, dream of the day I will become a doctor, of the day I will be on call and will have to sacrifice sleep to go in to work.
Crazy. I know. But then, my life holds little else in it. I have no "romantic" interests to distract me, no social obligations, no external pressures. It has been, for the longest time ever, just one, singular goal. To become a doctor. I cannot imagine my life having anything else in it.
Of course, in my daydreams I have an apartment all to my own. This leads to a greater sense of independence. So far this pseudo-independence has been sweet indeed. It has allowed me to create a world where I am a strong and capable young woman. Someone who has a core group of freinds she can rely on and can always have a good time with. This daydream, future me is a sassy, suave and intellectual young woman who can both kick butt (yay for being a black belt!) and can be poised and graceful (apparently I dance a lot!). Somehow, I've managed - in my daydreams - to not only be a stellar doctor, but also a pretty well rounded person.
I can live out my innermost potentials in these fanciful dreams and it feels great. Then I go to Chem Lab and realize it's going to be one heck of a journey. I know it will be only slogging for the next four years. It will take a lot of hard work to get through Chem Labs and Physics lectures. It will take a lot of coffee and many power naps to get me through the next 8 years of schooling.
And then. At the end of the eight years I will have a title, a paying job and one hell of a loan to pay back. It will be another bout of hard work, except this time I'll be getting money for it. I can't imagine time for anything other than a hurried shower and the odd opportunity to crash on a bed or a sofa, whichever happens to be closer.
Eventually, I will work my way to a position where I can dictate the hours I will work. Eventually. That's a long ways down the road.
For the next eight years my life will revolve around becoming a doctor. Then. Then my life will revolve around being a doctor. Who know though...maybe something (ahem, someone) will come about to distract me from the hectic and intense world of the hospital.